Head Coach

Learning The Art Of Listening

Seasoned management consultant Harry Levinson wrote a book called Ready, Fire, Aim: Avoiding Management By Impulse. Its core message: Only after considering a series of options--and not just the ones apparent in the heat of the moment--can you hope to make consistently decent decisions. In short, it's about the importance of listening.

Obvious stuff, right? And yet, no matter how eloquently (or persistently) conveyed, somehow that message doesn't really sink in--especially with the entrepreneurial crowd. Blame it on DNA: Entrepreneurs by nature are anti-authoritarian juvenile delinquents. Taking advice isn't their thing.

Pile those instincts on top of a natural inability to listen that comes from being, well, human. Scores of studies have demonstrated that people accurately comprehend or internalize a dismal 25%-50% of what they hear. Think about it: What's the most common gripe among unhappily married husbands and wives? "You're not listening to me!" Why do talented managers jump from one corporation to another? When they feel that senior management has all but turned a deaf ear to their needs and concerns.

The fact is, getting people to listen--really listen--is damn hard. And given how busy entrepreneurs are, it's easy to see why they most of all might fall prey to "selective" listening. Unexpected thoughts or approaches vying for purchase in an already crowded cranium can come off like a bunch of hot air. Result: Entrepreneurs flicker in and out of conversations, often missing the good stuff.

Still, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't try slamming home this lesson one more time.

The main thing to realize about listening is that it's an active process. For example, to truly absorb what someone is saying, you must be able to paraphrase that person's words. Irrespective of whether the message rings true or not, you still have to grasp the thesis. Think that's easy? It's not. (For proof, ponder all the times an e-mail exchange led to complete confusion--and that's when the words are written down, let alone rattled off the cuff.)

Here are some other ways to make sure both your eyes--and ears--are open and ready for business.

Burn your degree from the School of Hard Knocks. You've built a business, maybe even made some money. People like you--or at least they seem impressed. There's a specific sense of satisfaction, of a connection to some deeper knowledge, that comes from having "been there, done that." That same intoxication can also impair your ability to listen. Take your hard-won world view into account, but stay humble. There's plenty you don't know--insights that others without a similar pedigree have to share.

Beware defensive diagnoses. Snap judgments save time; that's why we like them. Combine our need to cut through all the noise with our own deep-seated insecurities--temporarily placated by a handy if off-the-mark put-down--and you have a toxic brew. Remember the old expression: "To the jackass over there, you are 'the jackass over there.'"

Stop burnishing your image. Successful entrepreneurs surround themselves with the smartest and most driven teammates they can find. At some point, those folks will shine brighter than their boss. That's their job. An entrepreneur's job is to recognize their brilliance and harness it--not to formulate a good comeback or retort to re-establish dominance in the conversation.

Slow down. As a rule, entrepreneurs are "doers" rather than "thinkers." This innate bias toward action, effective in some regards, can also short circuit their problem-solving processes. Their version of active listening amounts to hearing someone's initial remarks, assuming they've understood the gist and then immediately attacking the problem at hand. You can guess how that story ends.

A parting shot for those who think they've heard all of this before: Rate yourself as a listener. Then go ask your colleagues, friends and family members (the ones who will give you straight scoop) what they think. And listen.

Dr. Steven Berglas spent 25 years on the faculty of Harvard Medical School's Department of Psychiatry. Today he coaches entrepreneurs, executives and other high-achievers. He can be reached at: drb@berglas.com.

Source: forbes.com